the lists.

This weekend, I won the war.

The individual battles were tiring me out, leaving me exhausted, turning all of my frustrations inward. But I've ultimately triumphed over the bigger foe, and I feel better about being back on top.

I look back at things I said/wrote/thought two or three years ago, and am struck by the clarity with which I could present my ideas. These days, I catch a glimpse of insight and feel illuminated, but I can't ever hold on to it. How do I net these moments?

I envy Fyodor's ability to "file" those things away:

"The fleeting thought was touched with a careless irony; an irony, however, that was quite unnecessary, because somebody within him, on his behalf, independently from him, had absorbed all this, recorded it, and filed it away."

I am a pit of secret sins.