(get up), you're borrowing time.

If it doesn't hurt, you're probably not learning anything.

I spent the entire day with my brother. Mom was discharged last night (and I don't actually know where she is now) and MeeMaw had the operation for her hiatal hernia today, so I took Brent out to get our minds off of it all.

I took my sister to work, then wrapped her and Brent's Christmas gifts. Brent and I decided to go and see 'The Day The Earth Stood Still'. I enjoyed it, but I can understand how some critics might not. I get very emotionally riled up when a film or television program addresses humanity's collective stupidity when it comes to environmental issues. Anyone willing to produce a movie about it is a friend of mine, even if the script is weak and there isn't a clear arc of progression. Afterwards, we went to Bass Pro Shops (which is my brother's personal heaven) and then to Lynnhaven Mall for H&M (my personal heaven.) After picking my sister up from work, we just now got home. MeeMaw's surgery went well, my mother's phone calls are less grating. It's all fine, I suppose.

Spent all of the busy time trying to sort through this all. There's a lot to sort through.

I suppose, per usual, it all comes down to purpose (or my lack, thereof.) Don't really have one right now, which I remember used to get me down in college. I actually found the journal entry from the very day that I decided to give up singing classically. I'm a ball, and I roll on only because I'm pushed. Not taking pictures. Not singing. Not making memories, I plan on purging this all anyway.

It's comforting, in a morbid way, to know and believe that in all aspects of life, what goes up must indeed come down. I will be much wiser in the execution of all things in the future. I have examples numerous of that mantra; financially, emotionally, physically, musically. Everything that was built up is collapsing back down. I have nothing to stand behind, now.

Fortunately, I'm a terrific actor. I can fool anyone. Unfortunately, I'm a wonderful actor, and I sometimes fool myself.

I believe that God directs Fate, and that Fate is giving me the note to get the hell out of this. I'm bored of feeling this way. Can't get my roots firmly in anything...yeah.

Blah blah blah stream of gloomy consciousness nothing is good enough what do I do now blah blah no one even knows what the fuck i'm talking about blah blah blah there's a broken blood vessel in my right eye blah leave me alone end.