attitude dictates success, not the other way around

i have to be ambiguous about it all.

• i'm not as good as i should be. i'm not performing at the level i'm capable of, and i'm tortured by my inability to kick it up a notch. i'll give it until saturday before i'm forced to retreat to save my dignity and my self esteem.
• i have no one. i'm alone.
• my singing in the car is the best singing i've done ever. the catch is that no one ever hears it, and i don't forsee that changing anytime soon.
• i fixed his error and got what i needed. i didn't tell him that he nearly cost me the last five years, but he did. either way, i recovered. i suppose the punishment never ends, does it?
• it's hard being an afterthought. i guess starting over really, literally requires starting over.

here i am, i suppose.
this all fucking sucks.