Left and Leaving.

I have so much to get out but, naturally, I haven't taken a ton of time to organize it all so it will come as it comes.

1.

I already have a hole in my heart for this. A big gaping hole.

2.
About a month ago, I was asked to spend some time workshopping a group of instrumentalists who were preparing an a cappella version of Prayer for the Children for their convention. It was a really interesting experience- I got to musically singers who weren't singers- people who weren't used to my ticks and my language, and what I told them can be reduced to this: "don't sing it unless it matters to you." I gave them some moments to hone in on, some words to stress, some phrases to really feel internally, and I think you'll hear/see that they did a beautiful job. I'm really proud to have been a part of it at all, and it feels good to know that I'm good at what I do.

3. I'm officially done. The 15 recitals I have to attend this summer withstanding, I'm done. I have a degree. I have to grow up. I hate this idea so much.

4. The tour I just went on went through Waco, Houston, Baton Rouge and New Orleans. I haven't had so much fun in a while, except with ANY. New Orleans is one of the most fun cities I've ever been- and as cliche as it sounds, the city really did seem to be brimming with life. It was a great time. I partied hard. I sang harder. I cried a little, and realized that I won't be able to live without singing.

Some people ask me if I want to be a famous solo artist, a la American Idol. It wouldn't be an awful future- getting paid to sing my music. But I realize that the only true delight I find in singing at all comes in sharing it with people that I care about. I could sing alone, but I'd much rather have others. That is the primary reason that I know I have a future in a cappella music. I need to share it.

5. I'm working on an experiment. It's a trial in giving up some of the control that I so vehemently expect and demand. It's been difficult. I loike to guide and coax situations- negatively so, at times- because even if they don't end up the way that I wish, I will have manifested an outcome. I'm being prevented from doing things the way that I normally do. It's exciting/enthralling/enchanting/frightening/frustrating, but if something worthwhile can be born of it, I'll be happy to have learned.

6. I am surrounded, on a constant basis, by the best people this world has to offer. Just take my word from it, I'm spoiled and am just so sad to have to watch them spread away from me.