If work permits

Naturally, there's an inherent (and kind of annoying) social stigma attached to the notion of online journaling. LJ, MySpace, even Facebook- they're all designed to connect people through wires. I respect that intention, even crave it at times. I have a six or seven year old livejournal, made countless posts on my MySpace, but it's impossible to write anything there- anything trite and silly or anything intense and meaningful, without giving the impression (or feeling as if you're giving the impression) that you really want all of your friends and acquaintances to read it. Their are privacy settings and what not, but why would you air your innards in such a social forum? I figured a blog like this would differ in that nobody would be forcibly exposed to my musings- therefore relieving of that icky attention seeking feeling while also freeing me to write what I want to write, when I want to write it.

I miss writing. I used to do it all the time. As I was perusing old LJ posts, I became instantly nostalgic for the intellect and insight that I've lost since I stopped writing. Not releasing ideas from my brain cage, not letting notions breathe on the screen, not looking at the actual words attached to how I'm feeling- all of this, I think, has caused for me a sort of mental/emotional constipation. I'd gotten in the habit of being able to, in hindsight, review my thoughts and feelings and move forward. I'd like to get into the habit again. I miss it.

There's always so much to say. Whether or not any of it makes any difference in the grand scheme of things is irrelevant- I have a lot to say. Granted, a lot of it is about my friends and their situations, my family and their issues (or lack thereof), music and it's beautiful ability to simultaneously fulfill and torture- things that a lot of people might count as contrite and meaningless. But there's something to be said for occasionally cleaning out the annals of the mind; cleaning out your mental closet to make space for other things (I need to remember to write about that. Cassie and I had a neat discussion about the brain's memory capacity...) Occasionally, really valuable insight grows from all of that rubbish. I'm not necessarily hoping for a ton of breakthroughs, but I'm hoping to let my mind breathe. That should make things better all around.

I've done a lot so far in justifying this thing to myself. I guess there's no need, really, but there is something to say for feeling as if you're starting anew. Perhaps I'm babbling so that I can feel that christening feeling of newness. Here I go.

Release the stars. Release your love.