sleep is for children

For most of the last semester (all of my irresponsible behavior withstanding), I've been able to sleep. It hasn't been since the summer that I find myself unable to sleep before 6,7 or sometimes 8am. For some reason, it's started happening again. Of course the typical reasons is stress, and seeing as I'm editing these raw tracks like a mad man to make deadlines and worried about where my bill money is going to come from, that makes sense this time. But I don't find myself anxious about the things that stress me out when I'm awake at night. Mostly, I just sit around and watch reruns of really bad MTV dating and reality shows. Another difference between now and then is that before, I'd not sleep at night but I'd more than make up for it by sleeping all day long. Now, however, I don't really find myself doing that. I'm getting up at a reasonable hour and getting things done. Whatever the reason, I think that I would like to start sleeping on a regular schedule again. Perhaps I should look into sleeping pills...no, I'd need decent medical insurance for that. Uh oh- add that to the list...

I've been scrambling lately for new music, mostly because I've found myself completely over saturated with a cappella music, and I've played myself out on most of my playlists. In my search, I have found a few great artists, my current favorite of them being Landon Pigg. His music is haunting and atmospheric yet tender and accessible- you might have heard the single from his EP on a DeBeers diamond commercial.

It's truly beautiful, and I'm really happy to have stumbled upon him. As I was cleaning up my room today I heard one of his songs, Can't Let Go, and had one of those kind of eerie moments when you feel (to an uncomfortable degree) as if the artist you're listening to wrote that song for you.

'I can't let go, no I can't let go of you-
holding me back without even trying to.
I can't let go, I can't move on from the past-
without lifting a finger you're holding me back...'

It's torturous the way that we don't let ourselves move on from things from the past- it's torturous, but there's a sort of comfort in knowing that said misery will always be there, even if it's dull, even if it's locked away. I don't in anyway miss the way the end of my relationship felt, but I woke up this morning, for the first time in a long time, missing the smell and feel of just a body there with me.

I crave attention desperately, just like any one of us. I'm working on it though.

I think it'd be really cool to get what I wanted before I left here.